i just wanna soil my oats bro
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
