How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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