dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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