i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Im part way to drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
