It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This is my gift to your gina
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
