That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
