be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
