I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
