Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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