The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
