Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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