Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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