This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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