You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she pinky promised me she was 18
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
