worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
