im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
