She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
