Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
