yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
