I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
