i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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