Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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