I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you still have your period?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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