there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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