I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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