guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
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i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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