It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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