At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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