been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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