I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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