Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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