I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
