All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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