Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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