Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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