walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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