and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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