Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize