Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
