My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
