I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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