I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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