woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
