He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
