with your own penis?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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