So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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