the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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