I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
