last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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