I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
