I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
