I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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