dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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