well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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