is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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