I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
