I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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