Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
