so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just pee around me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
