she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
