i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
