like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
