Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
