The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
