My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She said her name was "party"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
