Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
